I agree with what others have said, Suffocating.
You may want to have a paternity test if only for your own knowledge, but I don't know if a positive test would make them reach out to you more or not.
As others have said, their actions do seem to be speaking for themselves.
You can do what Bill suggested and simply tell them how you feel...that you really want to have contact with them, and interact with them more, but that you feel as though you are putting forth all of the effort...
However, this situation just sounds ripe for a lot of hurt.
I know how you feel, in many ways. My dad was my hero growing up, and he was the one parent I could always count on to be kind, funny, and loving...unlike my mom. But when he remarried, the typical jealous step-mother scenario played out, and I really got cut out of their lives.
He has since made amends, and my dad has expressed his regret for not being more mindful of having me in his life...but, that doesn't change the fact that my three half-brothers, who I feel a deep love for, have never been close to me.
They don't know me. They kind of remember me from their childhood, as I was usually around once a year or so, and I've met up with my youngest brother a few times, but he's busy and lives in a different city about four hours away.
They have all turned out to be awesome people, good people, funny, etc., and I have gone through a roller coaster of feelings when I realize that we will probably never be that close.
My oldest brother (six years younger than me) only lives about a half hour away, and we have yet to get together. I don't put out as much effort as I did before, and I even deleted my middle brother from my Facebook account because he never bothers to respond to anything I send him, messages, etc.
I wish with all of my heart that I could have been a part of their lives and family growing up, but I wasn't. It has been a cold realization for me that, for the most part, they don't think of inviting me to weddings, etc., and only my youngest brother has expressed interest in coming to visit his nephew.
My son is almost nine months old, and my dad is only just now getting around to schedule time to come and see him for the first time...we live in the same state, and he's retired.
They have a great family. We all look very much like my dad, same sense of humor, similar ideologies, etc. But I've had to come to terms with the fact that if we're ever going to be a regular part of each others' lives, it is going to take a really long time for us to get there.
Not exactly the same scenario, but I know how left out I have felt, how wronged I have felt, ripped off, that aching feeling that "this is my family, and I love them...why don't they show more interest in my life???"
It hurts so deeply, and I'm sorry that you're experiencing that. I gave up on my family, and for the most part they actually came around.
As I said in a previous post, that isn't the case for everyone, and I've had to accept that although my dad and brothers mean well and would probably love to see me, they rarely follow through with their good intentions.
My mom's side of the family, however, were very close to me while I was growing up, and they *never* contact me when they're coming into town. Ever. They never make an effort to come and see me, I have to make the effort to drive over the mountain pass to see them.
And even then, I get the feeling that although it's nice to see each other, they're so wrapped up with their own lives that it's almost a chore when we come over. So I do it about once a year, and call every once in a while.
They never call me.
Anyway, that's my experience to share, and it does hurt so much...but I've given up on thinking that they'll ever be much different than they are now.
