Just Checking In
Hello everyone.
This is my day 5. Feels like one hundred years ago though in a good way. I never want to be in that situation ever again. I view myself in a much more positive way and I feel amazing about it. I have not had any withdrawal symptoms as far as I know. No night sweats, shaking, hallucinations etc. Perhaps this is because I was not at the higher end of consumption, I do not know. I have just stopped drinking cold turkey and gone about my day to day routines. I slept like a log the first night, however, have not slept as well since, but much better than before. I think that the stresses at work are a reason for the sleep issues, but I will work those out.
I still have mild pains in my abdominal region including liver area, however the pain has subsided dramatically from when I was drinking 5 days ago. Most times it is none there at all. When it is it is like someone is poking their index finger at parts of my abdomen. It is a vague type of pain, lasts for a minute or two, then subsides and reappears later in another location in my abdomen. Hopefully things are just working themselves out and this will just all come to an end. Dark circles
I have had mild cravings for beer, including thoughts of well what about just a couple of beers just this once, then I will go back. I did not acede to these cravings. I beat them back each time and got stronger each time. I know that once I give in, it will be the same story for the next day and the next day until I hit bottom again. God I do not want to ever be there again. I can think of so many negative things, the hiding, the embarassment the lowered self esteem because you had this embarassing secret, the knawing thoughts of do people suspect anything? Absolutely crazy existence. I realize that I would drink to fill a void that I made because I drank previously and avoided doing things, I got behind and pile up of various things became overwhelming. So I drank, felt tired and unmotivated and put things off to another day. Everything slowed down to an absolute crawl for me.
I went shopping several times this past weekend, including Costco, groceries stores etc. I actually felt a lot more self confident and it felt like I was walking with my head held higher and a better stride. I think this was because I no longer had that dark secret in my conscious. I have even caught women glancing at me and when I look at them they smile. Must be the increased self confidence showing. Thats great its just more reinforcement.
I have a salt water aquarium as a hobby. On Saturday I had to go to the liquor store to purchase vodka for my salt water aquarium. I dose it with about 1 ml of vodka per day (seriously, no kidding) . It is part of the process of causing chemical reactions which aid in keeping the water crystal clean which is a necessity. Vodka is the purest source of alcohol. Alcohol adds carbon to the water. I went to the liquor store bought a tiny bottle of vodka (50 ml) (just in case I gave in to temptation at home). I walked right by the beer ailse, looked at my favourite brand of ice cold beer and thought no way am I buying this stuff. Again felt great to say no and that I stuck to my committment. I went to the liquor store on purpose to prove to myself that I could do it. I have only used the alcohol to dose the aquarium and none what so ever for personal consumption.
There was also wine available for dinner last night, but I did not touch a drop. I opted for sparkling water instead. Each time I refuse alcohol I feel stronger and more self confident that the addiction/ diisease is over for me.
I also made a commitment to exercise. I did that as well this weekend. 45 minutes in total alternating between the treadmill and eliptical. I am going to do that again tonight. I have also thought of exercising everytime I am at home and feel like a beer. I have lost one pound of wieght in the last 5 days. Probably because of the reduction in calories consumed. There are 220 calories in every beer (500 ml) that I consumed. My average consumption was 6 of these beer which translates into 1,320 every night. I should see my wieght and beer belly starting to subside.
It still early in my recovery and I know that there will be challenges. I have stopped and restarted in the past, but I do not remember being this determined and happy. In the past I also was not as worried as I am now about health issues and I did not have all of the facts about all of the cancers caused by alcohol. I only thought that it affected your liver, boy was I wrong. This stuff is poison and it affects many many parts of your body. I read on the Canadian Cancer Society website that the effects of alcohol on your risks for cancer take 20 years to wear off. Just like the effects of smoking. The sooner you stop the better.
Thanks to everyone and this site. It is really helpful.