Suffocating, for the longest time I had this hole in me, due to my AF, that I was trying to fill with relationships with other people. What really started to help me heal was building a relationship with myself. I found out that I didn't need other people to fill that hole, that I could do it myself.
One of the things that really helped me was do doing some self esteem affirmations. I would write in my journal things like "I love me" and "I am enough just as I am". I even took the Beatles song ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE and changed it to "All I need is me" and sing that to myself.
It really worked. One morning I was writing in my journal will I realized that they weren't just affirmations any more. I did love me and I am enough. I'm not there 100 percent of the time but to be there at all is much better than where I was.
Your friend,