I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this. It is hard but you're doing ok.
I've never had a loved one in Iraq or Afganistan and I can't imagine the worry that people experience when their sons or daughters are in a foreign country I harms way. But I imagine that they have to reach a point of acceptance. Acceptance that something bad could happen.
That's what I think about sometimes when my son is out there....homeless.....doing things that I know put him in harms way. It's like he's in a war zone. And something bad could happen to him. I let go and trust his HP to keep him out of harms way. There's an acceptance that he could die but I won't dwell on that.
My son still takes runs at me occasionally like your son is doing. Sometimes I do really well and other times I'm a mess. We're all doing the best we can and we're all doing what our mother's hearts can handle. There is no perfect way to do this. We just try to the best we can one day at a time.
Glad to hear that you're seeking counseling. That helped me a lot. And good for you for having a day just for you. As you can, try to have a day just for you a little more often. It helps.
You and your son are in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke