One step forward...two steps back!
I'm so angry with myself right now. My ex A/B left 3 months ago. Since then, I've been trying to detach - went on a vacation, got on with my life, etc. I decided that I wanted nothing more to do with him and he left me a voice mail which I ignored. He caught me off guard and called early one morning (three weeks ago) and asked me to meet him for coffee (my first mistake). He proceeded to tell me that thinks he needs psychological help to find out why he left such a good relationship and is afraid of commitment (not once did he mention his alcohol dependence). He said he is sorry for what he put me through and doesn't expect me to wait around for him to find out what he wants to do but that he would like to be able to share with me what he discovers in counselling. I said I didn't know if I wanted to hear about it and he started to cry. :banghead: I was extremely strong during this meeting and felt that I could perhaps handle a friendship with him. I even asked if I could attend a family wedding that I was invited to prior to our split. He didn't seem overly keen but said he would check it out.
This week, I got really sick with a terrible cold, a touch of pneumonia and have been away from work for a week. You know what happens when you sit around thinking and feeling sick...I decided I was too sick to attend the wedding and called him tonight to tell him that. He was not at all sympathetic to how I was feeling and basically said "OK, take care, see ya". :*******: I was furious. He still has some household items here that I have asked him to pick up and he always has something else going on - usually riding his Harley comes first on the priority list. Just to put some perspective on this, just one week ago, he was drunk and crying the blues that he needed me last weekend to cry on my shoulder because he got S$%T from his boss and he cut his hand badly at home (then proceeded to go the bar for medical advice instead of the hospital for stitches). When he needs me, it ok but as soon as I show that I need him, he backs off. On the other side of the coin, he is very interested in whether or not I have any potential men in my life???? What is with this guy?
I'm ranting now but how is it that I was doing sooooo well, feeling so strong and knowing full well that our split was likely for the best and now I'm feeling all needy/hurt/missing him again? :06: