Wow thank you so very much Canfixonlyme. I really appreciate that reply, it was scary to post here last night but I felt desperate and figured if im going to get torn apart then its the honesty that Im sure I need anyways. lol I could give you big fat hug right now!
My mom, she has very very severe emphysema, she bascially lost her breath and "died" in my arms back in October on our way home from a doctors appointment. The ambulance was called and she was on life support for 4 days, we didnt think she would ever come off, but, luckily she did!
Shes been in the hosptial three times in the last year, the longest stay was a month, and I am always by her side 100 percent, night and day because she is very scared and anxious and if you know anything about emphenzyma, she continuously feels like she cant catch her next breath, especially when she is sick so being alone is not an option for her.
unfortunately, love her to death but theres no changing her now :P she is and always has been the queen codependent of this family. Obviously does it outta love and total ignorance (one time a family friend gave her the codependency no more book and she totally got her feelings hurt. lol :/) so anyways..
I have talked with her several times about moving in with me so I can take care of her and she doesnt have to live with my sisters disease and as well as my brother constantly fighting with my sister to quit. But she worries about them, "where will they go?" "what will they do" etc. Plus, she wants to die in her own home, more than anything... and getting the two of them out, is impossible. They are entitled, self absorbed, victims, who refuse to accept any responsibility or accountability for anything and my mom doesnt want to (and cant really) deal with their backlash.
everyone in this family is far too sensitive, plays the victim instantly if you say something that could hurt their feelings (which pretty much everything always does) and my mom just wouldnt be able to live with herself.
Being around them constantly since October has definitely taken its toll on me. I used to tell my mom that there wasnt anything I could do to help the situation , that it was her house, her rules and until she stood up for herself and that, there wasnt anything anyone else could do.
now things are a lot different. I feel like I need to protect her more, that she is incabable and it infuriates me that my sister does what she does knowing we are not going to have mom around for very much longer. I feel like (and my mom knows this and plays me with it) that I need to make the rest of her life as peaceful and beautiful as possible... and i feel guilty that I cant.