I felt better when I realized that the anger is a normal feeling....one I have to get through before forgiveness can happen.
I actually found a lot of comfort in reading about the grief process and how that works in this particular avenue. There are five stages and the person does not have to die for you to experience grief. The stages are denial, bargaining, anger, depression and acceptance. They cycle through often more than once. Just knowing that my reactions were normal was really helpful to me.
Secondly one thing that I have held onto here (but I wish I had been open to learning it earlier) was that my ex when we were first separated want kudos for doing "normal" things like putting hte dishes in the dishwasher. Reading what your husband wrote feels similar to me.
If it made me nuts I had to figure out a way to not engage with it. That took me a long while but I finally found my way.