StPeteGrad

Or, in recovery speak, "life on life's terms."

A universal truth in being human is that we can't control what we think.

Since we can't change what we think then we must affect how we think. Abusing drugs and alcohol is very good at changing the intensity of those pesky uncomfortable thoughts -often dulling them to the point we're not worried or scared anymore. In my opinion this is also what makes it so easy to do such depraved things the night before only to wake up with thoughts of fear, shame, and remorse the next morning. Additionally, I think this is why so many alcoholics are so controlling - when something disagrees with us we must change it to make it fit us immediately.

Now that we've removed drugs and alcohol from the thinking equation these wild thoughts run rampant, completely unbridled and free.

In the definition above it says:
"...without correcting or eliminating the underlying condition."

Here is where we need to learn to be masters of our own destiny without having to control the universe.

In my opinion, developing good coping skills is deliberately working to respond appropriately to those thoughts and feelings that arise due to a random memory or outside influence.

We already use coping skills many thousands of times a day and barely notice. A long line at the grocery checkout, for example, - a quick scan of the other registers and decide to move or stay and mentally move on.

I was frequently paralyzed by fear. I would play any upcoming situation out in my head with the worst possible conclusion as the outcome and the affects were universal (in my mind). This takes a lot of work and is downright exhausting!

As my mental clarity has come back I am more able to look directly at those things that scare me and disect them into a small piece of a much larger picture.

My biggest fear was always losing my job - since that already happened a few times.

My dysfunctional mind was always worried about getting fired. It meant my family would starve, my family would leave me and I would walk into a giant black hole as I suddenly ceased to exist. ~really, that's what I saw in my mind!

The dialogue in my healthier, realistic "coping mind" looks at this prospect with a degree of challenge. There will be changes, for sure, but with everything I've learned and the people I met there will likely be a job that will fit who I am now better anyway. My wife will be unhappy, probably a bit angry with me, but I can't change that anyway. I define my importance, that company doesn't. Heck, they barely took the time to get to know me!


That's my diatribe on it anyway. I could go on but I'm tired and will spare you all any more randomness.