((Finding Joy))
Answering this question only as it relates to me and my BF because only the Original Poster can say what harm was done to her family and what steps of action she feels her husband must take to repair the damage.*
In my case, I have had to really think about what BF could do to really make amends for cheating.
My answer may not be enough for everyone; and when your on the receiving end....you have to search your heart to determine what you really need*
It was important that my BF accept responsibility for cheating. Admit that the act of doing drugs, did not excuse his behavior. That his cheating was a separate choice
It was most important that he was willing to discuss what happened, listen attentively, be open and honest with his feelings, understand what pain he caused me, in what ways it affects our relationship, and have genuine remorse for his actions
Also most important was to understand why he cheated. In BF case, he is working this, along with his drug issues with a psychiatrist.*
So I feel he is committed to changing his behavior
And then last, he and I have to work together to rebuild trust. I say "we" because he needs me to be honest with him about what I need to accomplish this; for a while it was giving me space to process, or making me feel "safe and loved", having patience, spending quality time together building our relationship. It's ongoing, but through his actions he shows he loves me, respects me, is considerate of my needs, makes our relationship a priority, etc
For me, it's all I need. But as I said, to others it might not be enough.
I think it's subjective.
Hope that helps in some small way.
Kel