Originally Posted by
FindingJoy 
What do amends though action look like? Your point that making amends isn't about saying "I'm sorry" is so powerful to me as any one of us who's been involved with an addicts has heads at least 5000 sorrys.
I can only share my own experience with making amends after I got clean/sober. I was taught not to say "I'm sorry," but rather "What can I do to make this right?"
You are right in that just saying I'm sorry doesn't cut it as that's said over and over and over during active alcoholism.
For some people, I had a debt to repay and did so. For other people, the best amends I could make was to stay the heck out of their lives. For the people closest to me, namely my parents, the best amends I could/can do is by working a strong program of recovery, owning my own stuff, and working on becoming a better person.
It took years for my parents to trust me, and rightfully so. My mother still has a lot of anger over my active days unfortunately, but she has chosen to not have a program of recovery for herself, nor my dad. I've been clean/sober for 21 years, and my happiness isn't contingent on whether they hold resentments towards me, or any of their "stuff" for that matter.
I hope that clarifies things a little.
Sending you hugs of support.
