Gracie, Reading your post has reminded me of what my life was like for about 20 years. The kids never did enough for my AH. I never did enough. I am finding out that it was all a ploy to keep the spot light off of him and what he was or wasn't doing.
I was in counseling with my oldest son for several years and the one thing I took away with me was my counselors favorite saying "Don't sweat the small stuff. There are more than enough big items to worry about". In his definition my son's room and bathroom being clean were relatively small in the middle of all the big things we were dealing with. It was his room and bathroom, if he could stand living in the mess and having his friends see it then I should not worry about it. If it bothered me I was to Shut the doors so I didn't have to look at it.
My kids do some chores but they are not real time consuming. I believe that their main job is school. Both of my kids that are left here at home make A's and B's on school work. It takes them a couple of hours every night to do their homework. For me those are the most important things. Because of activities connected with school it is 5 or 5:30 before they get home from school. Their days are as exhausting as mine are.
From one Mom to another. Trust your instincts with your daughter. I think you are doing pretty well.
Hugs
Kat