Accepting Letting Go
When did you find yourself ready to let go? I know it's taken me longer then it should. My now husband developed an addiction to pain pills over a year ago. He, like addicts do, lied and stole thousands of dollars from me. It will be years before I will financially recover. Despite everything, I stuck by him, stayed when he threatened suicide and berated me. Stayed when he was so sick he couldn't get out of bed. Stayed when he brought heroin into my home. I tried to stay out of his way, eventually he came to me in tears and said he wanted help. And so, i stayed as he went to the doctor and was put on suboxone. I watched as he returned to the person i fell in love with, we got married, and i was so so happy. And things were wonderful...i thought for months. And then, when i thought everything was perfect and our lives were on track...i found the needles again. He crashed our car again. He shattered my trust...again. And it wasn't just the needles, it was all the lies that came with it. The random girls, and although i believe he physically never cheated...the online affairs were absolutely devestating. And now here i am, still a newlywed and realizing all my energy goes towards wondering what he's doing and with who. Praying he stays clean, hoping he's not talking to other women. And i realize this is no life, and if i want to look at myself in the mirror, i have no choices left. I know I have to leave and let him deal with his own demons. I don't know why it took so long for me to have the strength to demand better and to know that love isn't enough. Why do we do this to ourselves? When did you guys decide it was enough? and is it pathetic that theres still a part of me, a larger part then i want to admit, that wants nothing more then for him to somehow fix everything and be the person i fell in love with? I don't want to leave, it's the last thing in the world i want...this is my only choice though isn't it?