So I went to a discussion meeting with my sponsor last night the usual one we go to. Exhausted because I had a crappy 4 hour sleep over night for some reason, I debated about going to the meeting but I remembered the saying of "If you don't feel like going to a meeting then you should really go." So when my sponsor called last night I was so tired he even heard it in my voice of course. And he asked if I just wanted to stay home for the night and I said "no. no. I want to go." So we went. It was a great meeting and I explained how my week was going and how the girl whose in my life now is a great person but I'm still taking things slow as I don't want to reveal my alcoholism to her yet.. I t's too early to get personal.
Anywho. The usual event after our discussion meeting was to go to Tim Hortons for hot chocolate.
My sponsor knowing I have no control over my money what so ever and also knowing the fact I only get gift cards once in awhile to treat myself he says to me "so Chris? Got your tim's card tonight? Your paying this time right?" I told him no I didn't have me card and even if I did there was nothing in it. This was in the washroom after the meeting.
Then he goes on about the 7th tradition with me in the washroom. "Part of the program requires you to contribute and that means coffee treats as well." I told him I was tired and didn't want to talk about it at the time and he raises his voice to me and says "So what I'm hearing from you is either you aren't listening to me or you don't care. You don't start paying for us they'll all think your a cheapskate because you have a job so there's no reason not to pay once in awhile. We don't expect you to open your wallet for us but it's 7th tradition." we headed to Tim Horton's and he tried to talk to me and I kept to myself.
We entered and as soon as everyone was ordering what they wanted I sat down at a chair and then to my disbelief my sponsor asks if I want something and I say "No." and he's like "Come on I'll buy you something." " I said no."
Basically I'm showing to him that if I'm expected to treat for people when I have no cash and given little so I can't buy booze that I just won't accept anymore offers to treat me, I'll sit there and listen to their conversations but no more accepting a treat if I get scolded for not having money to pay this time around.
Then everyone is asking me what the problem is and I said don't worry about it and my sponsor goes ahead and says "He's angry at me because I hurt his feelings lol." He actually laughs and they laugh.
So on the way home he continues to lecture me that he wasn't trying to make me angry/ ( but he sure knows well my position). sure if I had cash and could spend it freely I'd treat. Don't take this the wrong way. Anyways then he tries the "I'm proud of you, you're a different guy for sure" approach. Still didn't make me smile. He knows he made me upset. A little bit now when I remember it, even though it was yesterday we can't erase a single word we said. But still. Him and I have been through this many times and my parents can only do so much for me since I kept drinking.
Anyways thought I'd post this. things may be going great but sometimes there are still hardships to deal with. I'll make amends to him tomorrow at our home group. But thats tomorrow. I'm focused on today. Today was great
I'm still happy for everything.