You sound just like me when I started (you know, that group that sounds like the first letter of the alphabet said twice) **.
It's a process and I had to begin the process. I had to put my best thinking and rationalizing and analyzing aside and start to do what the others who had been sober for years were doing.
It was my choice... and it was a hard choice. Inside I knew if I didn't do it, that I was going to die. Probably by the handgun in the glovebox of my car.
I wish you the best wino5.
Bob R.