You are in the right place Whacky. There may be many differences in who we are, our circumstances etc but many people on the forum have had to deal with alcohol overtaking their lives and soul. There is a way forward to peace, a healthy emotional state and better functioning.
What has helped me after 10 years of struggling to find a way forward was
- some of the ideas and skills from SMART recovery
- Reading the Big Book of AA (free online)- don't let the old time language put you off
- The short online course at Rational Recovery (free online thanks seemingly due to the work of one man)
- Once I decided to stop the daily practice of gratitude the power of which is easily underestimated- but would be ineffective if you are still drinking
And of course
Sober Recovery and the great people who sail in her.
I am now 8 months sober and getting my life and soul back.
Stick around