Sometimes we have to step out of our comfort zone and do things differently. Grieving the loss of the relationship is normal. It sounds like you are angry a long with your pain. My living conditions are not well either, everything is dysfunctional. We have to realize that we are important and we have to work on ourselves and not try to change others. I have had to take my focus off the things about the others I am involved with and put it back on myself and what is best for me. It does no good to make others angry with me because regardless what I think is best, it doesn't matter or change anything. Instead of getting back into the relationship it may be best if you can afford to is to move out on your own or someone else you are close to that understands to give you time to get your head straight. Don't give up!