Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
One way I look at detaching with love is we can either bend over backwards to try to help the addict (which makes no difference) or we can get out of their way and save our sanity (which makes no difference). The addict is going to do what he/she is going to do. So, let them, stay out of their way, and save yourself.
I realized this after being in Al Anon for a week or two. No matter what I did to try to support my XAGF, she either resented my input or did whatever she wanted to do despite my input. And it wasn't until I had no contact with her for a month that I realized how nuts I drove myself trying to steer her in a direction where she'd be safe.
So, when she came back, I stopped doing that. And in my heart of hearts, I believe she resented that.