I have to agree with the others... anger was the reason that I was able to leave my exAH. At that point I really felt like I hated him too. But it gave me the strength and willpower to step away. It was the fuel, and I am thankful, because nothing he could say or do at that point could change my mind. And he was oh so good at manipulating. But it was too late. But like Impurrfect and Kindeyes said, you can't avoid the grief. It's stayed with me long after the anger faded. And there are times that I have to remind myself of the craziness I walked away from.