I can directly identify with recovery being more challenging then active substance abuse.
I recall sitting in Al-Anon meetings hearing the intro words, "We can learn to find contentment, even happiness, whether the alcoholic is drinking or not". It seemed right about the time I discovered how to find some contentment and even happiness with a drinking alcoholic she found sobriety.
Then I rediscovered those two words, "or not". "Or not" has been exponentially more difficult. I now have a walking, talking alcoholic. I no longer have an easy scape goat. I get to take my fair share of the responsibility for the disrepair of the relationship. I get to see how nuts my mind can get and how unloving my attitudes can be because it's not a lifeless but breathing heap that is the perceived source of my problems anymore.
I've certainly considered leaving because leaving would be easy. Easy isn't always best. And, no matter where I go there I am; and I am certain that I would just find another person to exercise my defects on once the vacation wore off. Changing is hard. Recognizing my defects, my participation in the problem and making tiny steps each day to let these things go, correct what I can and continue to make mistakes is hard.
The question I find myself asking is whether or not I want easy/happy or I want freedom. For the longest time I though I couldn't be happy unless it was easy because I despise pain and hardship. But I realized I still wouldn't be free. I'm working on becoming free and that is some serious work because I have done a damn good job bounding myself. Freedom is a state of mind and has very little to do with where my body is. I know I can find freedom, contentment and happiness right where I am and maybe, some part of me wants it to remain hard because when things are easy I get bored and don't apply myself.