Oh my goodness, So many of us in the same struggles... yes yes ... I downloaded Co -Dependent No More - Melody Beattie about the 3rd day he walked out of my life, it got me through some dark December nights... hearing her words kept me sane (to a degree).
Ellensburg you said "My xABF and I just ended things very recently, actually went up to see him about a week ago and THAT was a mistake. He acted very in love with me, but next day... no texts about anything love-related." That's similar to what I went through. After her said and did some bad things on the fateful "XMAS BINGEFEST 2011" he and I met up so he could pay me the damages to my wall, he and I walked, talked, cried, kissed and hugged for hours in my car... then I got home and saw some things that he had FB posted and I wasn't happy, I expressed it as I was so upset/broken after all that had happened. That was his excuse to say that maybe this wasn't gonna work because of the way I WAS ACTING... lol!!!! then he said... He needed to be selfish and have space....I can look back now and just see how twisted he is, after all I have put up with he is so easy to judge my behavior, my feelings all because of the abrupt break up...and the last year of ROLLER COASTER DRAMAS!
I know we are all wishing and/or mourning, I know I'm still hoping.... but I see the light getting dimmer and dimmer for me. I know he see's no light for himself it's shut out and he sits in sadness and regret. I know he loves me but that's all. He has to hit his own rock bottom and unfortunatley he is young (26) and still so immature. I am young but the difference is I have the tools to help myself and love myself unconditionally. I do know he tried his hardest and that comforts me. I cannot say that he didn't try, he did, he did all that he could do... I love him for that. He is a sweet man but is so tired already..exhausted from life
I love life and being around someone who acts as if they're an old person is no good for me. I really thought I could "Pull him out". All I can do is pull myself out...He needs to want it. He is so focused on hating himself. Thank you all for sending the love and words, this will help us all get through it...