my job was not to fix them and their emotions. As a parent it is to absorb them. It makes me a safe place. It makes me stable and secure and available.
That's really good. And echoes what my counselor has said: That my job is not to fix them OR fix what's wrong at their dad's house. My job is to provide a safe, healthy environment for them in
my home, and set realistic boundaries for them.
A friend of mine gave me this metaphor from her child's counselor: When they come home and just rant and throw tantrums (which they never do at AXH's house because they're afraid of him), think of it as if they were infants who were throwing up on you. That's all it is. They're puking all over you and all you have to do is wash off, put on a clean shirt, and get on with life. Not pity yourself because you got thrown up on, not get upset at them for throwing up. I swear, detaching from an alcoholic husband was a breeze compared to detaching from the children's emotional reactions... but it's the same process...