It's pretty obvious you have a problem....Question is...What have you done to try and solve it?....What effort have you put in?. You're on this site a lot....I didn't even know there were so many different options to give up drinking or drugging for good....Have you looked into any of them??...There is a lot of help here...Find one that interests you and send a PM to someone that knows about that one....Take advantage of what you have....I mean...It can happen...But you got to make it happen. I was blessed I reached the end for me and I sought out help through AA....I made it happen and it worked for me....I wouldn't change that for the world. Good luck in whatever you do...Just do it.