There are three unwritten rules in families living with active alcoholism.
Don't talk, don't trust, don't feel. I sure cried that night because my boys learned those lessons well. To well. They learned them because they lived it and because it was modeled. There was no trust in our house. There was very little talking because we were busy ignoring the elephant and trying to survive. Rage was consuming us from the inside out so we didn't feel anything because to open the feelings door even a crack - opened the gaits to hell as far as I was concerned. Resentment and anger would swallow me up and if that didn't happen something very bad might happen to me if I let out the secrets of my true feelings.
Wow. That sure hit home.
My kids didn't say anything either. To them, their father passing out drunk was
normal. They had nothing to compare to. They reacted differently to our separation and divorce. Two of them basically went off the rails completely, the third one became more well-behaved and well-adjusted. One of the two who started expressing their feelings in not-very-constructive ways has found a point of balance and harmony now, almost 2 years later. The second one is still in the process of determining where the walls are. The third one, the well-behaved one, is now blowing off steam like nobody's business.
It's hard, but it's wonderful to see them become the persons they were not able to be in an alcoholic family. They go to counseling to learn how to properly express their feelings; I go to counseling to learn how to not run away to Nepal and hide.