I had something of a similar experience after I separated from my AH. I didn't date for over a year after ending my 20 year marriage, so I don't know if the amount of time is as important at the learning/growth.
Anyway, the first guy I dated after my marriage was over seemed like such a great guy. He had a steady job, which he had held for more than five years. He was a single father who went to great lengths and personal expense to win sole custody of his children. He was very sweet and charming, and seemed to me to be an admirable person.
The fact that he was so much less of a jerk than my ex made him seem pretty wonderful to me. So much so, that I found myself ignoring the red flags. I never saw him drunk, but he drank more than I was comfortable with. He would "laugh off" and even belittle my opinions about things. (not the drinking, just general opinions on everyday things) He was subtly controlling in many ways.
One day, my better self got my attention. It was a warm spring day and I went and sat in the park under a tree and really considered whether I wanted to continue seeing this guy. My gut said no, even though the other voices said yes. This was a lifelong pattern I was challenging! Better to settle than to be alone, right?
I called him that night and broke it off. I told myself it was the right thing to do and that I would be okay no matter what. I wasn't sure if I believed it, but it felt good to do things differently than I had done all my life. It felt good to put myself first. See, it's not about whether he sees you as worthy enough for him to change his ways. It's about whether you see him as worthy to be in your life. And about whether you deem yourself worthy enough to let go of people who aren't good for you, even at the risk of being alone.
Oh, and for the record, it was about two weeks after I broke it off with the guy that I met my current SO. We've had a lovely, respectful, mostly harmonious relationship for over four years now. I never would have met him if I hadn't let go of Mr. Wrong.
L