Welcome, Paige!
Forgive me but I giggled a bit at this:
I don't cover for him and I don't seem to fit a lot of the symptoms of co-dependents.
Nobody ever does.
I didn't fit the symptoms of codependents either. I thought. You want to hear what I see as a classic codependent symptom? Saying "It's not so bad as some people." I said that, too. For years. Because it wasn't "that bad" -- he never missed a day of work. He had a high-flying career. He was seen as a pillar in the community. People looked up to him. So
it couldn't be that bad. Maybe I was exaggerating. Blowing things out of proportion.
My AXH started drinking on weekends. Then he'd have "a beer or two" on weeknights. He went from being a protective, doting husband to a dangerous abuser who downed a bottle of hard liquor every night. It took 20 years for him to get to that point. In retrospect, 20 years that I wasted and 20 years that I allowed my children to be exposed to behavior that has traumatized them for life.
Its not exactly one of the worst stories on here, yet I am not happy. I'm not happy because I do not like the person he is when he's drinking and don't want to see that guy anymore.
That is really all you need to know. His drinking, whether it's better or worse, more or less, than any other human being on earth,
is a problem for you. That means you have the right to start thinking about what you can change in your life to not have to deal with his drinking. You can't make him do anything. But you still have choices for yourself and the children.
Lots of hugs.