paigemc

Hi! I'm new here and hoping I'm in the right place..... I'm 31, have 3 young kids and married to a functioning alcoholic for 8 years. Early in our relationship we both enjoyed drinking and he was what everyone considered "the life of the party".....fun to be around. Then came the kids and life responsibilities. I quit drinking except for special events but he kept on. We went to a counselor who called him an alcoholic and he never went back. About a year ago he found out he had failing liver function tests and high cholesterol.(he drank 6 beers a day M-F and 12 S-S) I was both surprised and not surprised to find out that while this terrified him, he only planned to quit drinking for a short period of time. After about six months of don't and off again binge drinking I was done. I told him to quit or leave. He chose to quit around Mothers Day last year but refused to go to AA. He will go two or three months with not drinking and then he starts again, but only for a weekend. He never tells me he's going to I just notice the change in his personality. (over the last few years he has become very arrogant and condescending when he drinks. Most of our friends and family don't like him because of that.)

Anyways, so here I am now. Married, with 3 young kids, to a guy who only drinks and acts horrible ever couple of months..... for a weekend. Its not exactly one of the worst stories on here, yet I am not happy. I'm not happy because I do not like the person he is when he's drinking and don't want to see that guy anymore. Only now I realize that until he takes his alcoholism seriously and gets help I'm going to see that guy every couple of months. He is good with the kids and keeps up with what needs to be done around the house. I don't cover for him and I don't seem to fit a lot of the symptoms of co-dependents.

I just don't know what's worse..... Leave, or make him leave, even though that will hurt the kids......Or is it more damaging to them for us to live in the same house, but not really speaking. I refuse to go engage in a happy relationship not knowing when "that guy" is coming back.

I should also just add that I took vows to him through sickness in health and I take that seriously....but I came from a broken home and my mother married and divorced 5 times. So its possible I try to over compensate for that.