Current boyfriend is triggering me..
Hi all,
I used to post here a lot, when I was dealing with my ex, who is an alcoholic in denial. We broke up in Dec. 2010, but it took me a while to be done with him. Thank goodness I am done and so much happier. I hear that he is STILL drinking. If nothing changes, nothing changes.
Anyway, I've been dating a new guy for a few months. He drinks, but I do not think he's an alcoholic. He doesn't get drunk during the week, and he doesn't HAVE to get drunk on the weekends. Whereas my ex had to go to the bar with me all the time, my current bf likes to do other things with me, like go to museums, the opera, etc. I'd been craving a man who would do these things with me.
The problem that's arisen is, while out at a bar wiht his brother, he ran into some friends he hadn't seen in a while. I don't even know these friends, nor has he really spoken to me about them. Right after that, and again this week, he kept emphasizing that he wanted to spend more time with them.
I said fine, we can hang out with them. But then it became clear a) he wants to hang out with them on his own, and b) the only thing they like to do is go to the bar.
This was a HUGE TRIGGER for me. When someone tells me they want less time with me, and more time w their friends at the bar, it raises red flags. And all the feelings from my last relationship came flooding back..all the pain of being rejected for alcohol.
As it is, he lives 45 min away from me and we don't see each other as much as I'd like..now he wants to take MORE time away from us together, to go to the bar with these people?
Not to mention, girls are always flirting w him at the bar.
I guess I'm writing here for support. I sent him a couple of emails explaining why this is hard for me. I'd like to talk to him and work out some sort of compromise...I'm afraid I'm going to get the same "you're trying to control me, and I need my space yada yada," that I got from my alcoholic ex. If that happens, I'm walking. I refuse to be in the position again of trying to compete with the bar. I hope that he'll show me I'm his priority, not the bar.