It sound like you were looking in my windows. When the Beav was young and at home it was a constant issue what he was or was not doing and it was all about me. It was my fault. I felt like I was wearing a black and white striped shirt and a whistle.
In hindsite I see now that it was all a smoke screen. It was whole bunch of noise. What I mean is that no matter what I changed he still would have been complaining about it. I still don't know what it is about.
In the end I have ended up doing whatever I thought was best. If I threw it back at him like "Fine...you make the decisions" he didn't, so what does that tell you?
It is awful to be the go-between so just don't do it. Someone told me once that "they" are allowed to have whatever relationship they end up with. But I could have mine too. Take off the whistle!
Hugs,
JT