I'm determined to stay sober long enough for a miracle to happend, but that seems like its so far off. Especially when i don't know what it is I'm looking for.
Hi Bea,
You've already gotten excellent responses here so I'm just going to go in a different direction with you. Maybe what you're feeling is still part of the withdrawal process even though you've been sober awhile.
You know the miracle for you is that you not drink. Now in comes the negative side muddling your thoughts up and confusing you. You're tired, you've had a crappy day, you're prime to relapse.
Maybe sit down, take some deep breaths, take a walk, eat something nutritious, or other activity to give yourself a rest. Call a sponsor or good friend or relative. Probably if it were me, I'd go hide my head in a pillow and try to take it a minute at a time. You can do it and we're here, so you're not alone in your fight.
Hugs, Sandy