If it was me, I would not be around father except to tell him my 'payment plan' to repay him. Both of them are extremely TOXIC and you DO NOT NEED TO HAVE THAT TOXICITY FLOWING OVER AND AROUND YOU.
From everything you have 'posted' about the father, he is exhibiting rather 'extreme' codependency. The doctor appts are None of Your Business, not the father's either but he has the 'excuse' he is paying for them. The Hospital visits are None of yours or the fathers business.
You have a choice to step away AND NOT GO. Allow your BF some dignity at least with you, he is 32 after all. Just because 'daddy' is treating him like a 10yr old, does not mean that you have to agree and do the same.
***It is NOT your job.
It is not your job to be the 'mediator' between 'daddy' and ABF.
It is NOT your job to be the 'diffuser' between between 'daddy' and ABF.
It is NOT your job to play 'warden' and make sure he makes his appointments (this is what it feels like to him right now).
It is not your job to be 'warden' and/or probation officer, even though 'daddy' has adopted that role.
If in fact your ABF is going to embrace recovery for HIMSELF, not to please DADDY or to please YOU, then it really is time to STEP AWAY.
Allow him the DIGNITY to EMBRACE RECOVERY for HIMSELF.***
J M H O
NOTE: ***Plan of Action.
Love and hugs,
ps: I have seen the above 'plan of action' work, maybe not the way the codie fantasized it would but it does work:
The 'A loved one' does embrace recovery and immerse themselves in it, absenting themselves from the loved one.
Or the A loved one does not embrace recovery, and the 'loved one' having aready stepped back is still hurt but NOT nearly as bad.
Or the A does embrace recovery, and after a year or so, 'comes out' of his 'all or nothing mode' and starts communicating and slowly dating the 'loved one' and they are on a whole NEW level of the relationship, almost like 'starting over.'
Your choice.