Originally Posted by DazedAnd

The initial good feelings I had about myself for quitting are fading and being replaced with old self hate. I drink and smoke because I want to kill myself but I'm too much of a coward to ever really do so. I don't even have the urge to drink or smoke, I just want to fill the void and take out my anger on myself. A decent looking funny 22 year old who's never had an actual girlfriend. With a manipulative family and no real friends. With no real direction in life. I've done everything I can - old bad habits gone, weight gone, misanthropic ways abandoned. And I'm still the same miserable piece of crap I always was.