I was going to respond to your questions line by line, but I think there's just a few key points to be made (in my humble opinion).
1. I think it's great that you're being thoughtful about this. Alcoholism affects more people than the alcoholic of course, one of many tragedies of this 'condition', for lack of a better word.
2. His recovery doesn't depend on your help. His recovery is none of your business. That's harsh, right? Let me explain.. None of us can do this with our whole beings if we're doing it from feeling guilted, pressured, ultimatum-ed, loved, supported, etc.. into recovery. It's an inside job. Nothing in this world but me could get me recovered, nothing in this world but me could keep me an alcoholic or make me drink.
3. You will never understand alcoholism. (that is a good thing!). But you can read a bit of the factoids behind it, Under the Influence is a pretty basic starting book, there was a follow up to that book called Beyond the Influence.
4. Help yourself, and your children. That's about all you do have control over. Hopefully the kiddos haven't suffered too many consequences of dad's drinking (yet, but they will. I was raised by 2 alcoholics. I don't recommend that environment for any child, ever). You, I'm sure, have suffered many of the consequences that come with loving an alcoholic. Please seek out an Alanon meeting (like AA is for alcoholics, Alanon is for people who love alcoholics), counseling, meditation, whatever it takes to make sure YOU stay WHOLE and not fragmented in this situation.
5. Detox. It's deadly sometimes. You can't help with that either, other than calling 911 if things go south. He really should be under the care of the doctor. Even if you had a medical degree it'd be inappropriate for you to care for him, ya know?
Thank you for being so thoughtful. I hope that nothing I said was rude or discouraging.. this is brutal life or death stuff, and destroys more than the person doing the drinking.. I know this.