Mistake
Yesterday, I made a mistake. I was having a cleaning moment (you know, how you just get on a roll sometimes?) and I threw something out by accident, something that I really needed and that would be costly and very inconvenient to replace.
A few short weeks ago, but an eternity ago at the same time, I would have had a fit about this mistake. I would have told myself that only a stupid alcoholic would have thrown out something this important. (I would probably have been half in the bag while doing it anyway.) I would have gone on to tell myself what a loser I was and to remind myself of all of the other foolish mistakes I have made in my lifetime while under the influence. I would have said, "@#$(*, I need a drink" and would have gone out to get more wine to comfort myself. (Being a perfectionist while simultaneously living with very active alcoholism is not something I would wish upon anyone else, ever.)
Instead, I realized my mistake and went out to sift through the garbage bags I had disposed of. I found the missing item and came in and had a good laugh and a celebratory cup of coffee. This might not sound like a big deal, but to me it was a huge victory.
Today in my inbox from my Hazeldon subscription:
I've made mistakes and will continue to make mistakes.
Everybody makes mistakes. The difference now is that I can see them more clearly afterward, and I am not living in denial about them.
If I become too critical of myself when I do make a mistake, I can remind myself that it's part of being human. I can remind myself that it's a learning experience and a mistake I won't make so easily in the future. Mistakes are not made intentionally, but they are errors caused by a lack of information or lack of attention.
Today I pay attention more than ever before and have more information than I ever have had. Mistakes will still happen, but they probably won't be as serious or dangerous as they were in my past. I can allow myself to make mistakes, understanding that when I give myself this freedom, I am accepting myself for who I am and loving myself unconditionally.