My nerves are shot and I can't sleep. I could just accept his decision, but I know I must go. It's an opportunity knocking. It just doesn't feel like that right now. There's so much to do to get there. I can't even wrap my head around it. I feel so lost. I knew this was going to happen - sooner or later, but the middle of a cold winter is about the worst time to be making major decisions.
I just wish I had someone to help me through this ... I know there really isn't anyone. Why don't I have any faith in myself? Why can't I stop crying? This guy has been so abusive through the years and I should be SO happy to get out. I know others have been here. I just think of how I will lose everything I've worked so hard for over the years. He will fight me for the things he wants and it won't be fair, but I don't have the energy for that battle.
Oh gawd - it's just so much easier to give in. Now I know why I've done it all these years. Oh well - I'll try to sleep on it. There's nothing I can do in the middle of the night anyway - except worry.