Originally Posted by
crisco 
It was only temporary solution. VERY TEMPORARY. I did not regret what I did, but the moment was too upsetting for me to maintain a very fragile six month of sobriety and go insane. I tried to remain sober on Friday and I was drive to the point of insanity.
I felt so much anger and rage against myself that I had to drink or go insane killing somebody because I was angry over myself. I had suicidal thoughts. Sobriety provided no ways out in that time. Drinking over that moment would end the misery and I was able to accepted what I did.
Calling another alcoholic might have worked, but only for a time. In my case, the drink numbed all of those feelings and now I am total acceptance of my actions. ...
Too many people in this program have tried to remain sober when their capacity was beyond it. They needed a temporary relapse to grasp ahold of reality.
I do understand the fears and feelings that led to your choosing to drink to "relieve" them.
I made that choice myself this past summer, the tricky bit is that drinking affects decision making and inhibition. I very nearly ended up dead of an overdose.
For many people choosing to drink in a situation like yours could lead to death rather than clarity. That is why many of us choose to get sober, because we realize that for us, drinking when we feel overwhelmed has become counter productive. We know we MUST find another way, or we will die.
I am glad that you made it through your situation. But I disagree with your statement of too many people having remained sober when their capacity was beyond it. I think, if we find ourselves beyond our capacity to manage on our own, we seek help that addresses the situation, and for addicts, drinking is NOT help. I've checked myself into psych wards a few times when I knew I was beyond my capacity to manage. There are options.
Killing ourselves, someone else are not necessary, there are options other than drinking. I cannot in honesty ever suggest an addict return to their DOC. But I do know that sometimes, when overwhelmed we truly cannot see all of our options. This is why I feel it is critical that we come up with a plan B, plan C and plan D. So when we start feeling overwhelmed we already have an action plan that does not involve drinking or using.
I have relapsed for the exact reasons you state above, so I truly do understand the feelings and reason you made the choice you did. I now fully understand that it is critical for me to have action plans established.