Is this normal?
Been SO angry lately. I basically fled my old city to escape XABF and all of the memories, and guess what?
That SOB came HERE. He got an amazing job that trumps anything he's ever been offered/screwed up in his life before. With the help of his "rich and perfect" parents (everyone he grew up with is some useless child living off of their pseudo-rich parents), scored some luxury high-rise condo rental, and is living the dream chasing skirts and boozing it up on happy street while I'm still paralyzed with pain barely able to get out of bed every day. He sunk me to lows I never thought existed. He extinguished my flame, and everything beautiful I once was is buried deep beneath this scar tissue.
I want him DEAD. No, I want him to suffer torture first, excruciating hell on earth so he wishes he were dead. I actually thought of hiring someone to kill him, jump him, thought of other ways to ruin his life. Tipped the police off to his warrants, gave them his job's address hoping he'd get hauled off and lose it all. I want this more than anything, revenge. Unimaginable suffering and pain for him.
I send him hate mail and sometimes telling him what a disgusting sociopath monster he is. How he is pure evil and will soon meet his demise in the form of karma. How he's never been any good to anyone, only hurts people, and the world would be so much better without a soulless monster like him. I say THE MOST awful, awful things to him. All true, of course (lol). One morning he called me and said he was suicidal from my messages. I hung up on him. I still wish he would have killed himself. With all my heart. I still send him those messages, hoping...
This is not normal, is it? Certainly not healthy. I mean, I know anger is a stage of grieving but I normally feel guilty when I step on a bug... WTF? If I knew there was NO way I'd ever get caught I would kill him myself. Scary...