Welcome to SR,
That was a good vent, and I fully understand. Really I do, I've been there. One thing you must realize is you cant control it or her. You can talk and preach till your blue in the face but they will do what they want.
What I found to work/ help was I started going to Nar-anon meetings, I chose one that had an NA meeting at the same time. After a few months of being left at home when I went to the meetings and coming home in a better mood and place the AS asked if he could go next weeks with me and go to the NA meeting. It has only been 2 months but he looks forward to our meeting nights. I can see him taking the program seriously now. Just leading by example sometimes allows them to make the decision themselves.
Don't talk about the negatives,(they know that) but only the positives, 4 years clean is really something great!
Keep us up to date on your progress, and feel free to vent and rant on here as a posed to the A.
We are all here to help one another with sharing our experiences.
Be well,