Just Angry

Old 01-14-2012, 12:14 AM
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Just Angry

I am angry and need to write about it and have someone listen.

My wife is a recovering heroin addict, going on four years clean. We have an amazing child, and love each other deeply. The past year has been hard for her, going through deep emotional issues, and health issues. My work has me out of town a lot, trust has never been an issue with us.

This week she told me she went out, started drinking, got drunk and smoked pot. I'm furious, and hurt, and scared that pot is the road back to heroin and using. She doesn't want to go to meetings (she was pretty active in the program, but because of my work we were in a place with no meetings so she stopped, but there are plenty of meetings where we are now). I know I can't force her to go...

She worked so hard to get clean, we worked so hard to get all her criminal charges dropped, get off probation, just get a better life overall.

I'm so scared of losing her, she doesn't think it is a big deal and yet I want to drag her to a meeting, call her sponsor, and make her realize how scared I am.

I told her all this, she just brushed it off and said she didn't want to talk about it.
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Old 01-14-2012, 12:35 AM
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WELCOME to Sober Recovery. You have found a really great place with LOTS of Experience, Strength and Hope (ES&H) from folks who have been where you or are where you are.

Yes, I can understand why you are angry. I can also understand that your wife seems to be back in the 'grip' of her addiction and right now the addiction is 'king' now and is pulling her back to the 'bondage.'

You can continue to mention 'meetings' and/or counseling but it will only push her away. Instead I would suggest some Alanon meeting for you and/or counseling. I don't know if you have used these methods before but ........................... I would suggest that you try them this time.

Please continue to post to let us know how you are doing as we do care very much, feel free to rant, rave, cry, scream, and yes even laugh; we are open 24/7.

Love and hugs,
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Old 01-14-2012, 08:47 AM
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Welcome to SR,

That was a good vent, and I fully understand. Really I do, I've been there. One thing you must realize is you cant control it or her. You can talk and preach till your blue in the face but they will do what they want.

What I found to work/ help was I started going to Nar-anon meetings, I chose one that had an NA meeting at the same time. After a few months of being left at home when I went to the meetings and coming home in a better mood and place the AS asked if he could go next weeks with me and go to the NA meeting. It has only been 2 months but he looks forward to our meeting nights. I can see him taking the program seriously now. Just leading by example sometimes allows them to make the decision themselves.

Don't talk about the negatives,(they know that) but only the positives, 4 years clean is really something great!

Keep us up to date on your progress, and feel free to vent and rant on here as a posed to the A.

We are all here to help one another with sharing our experiences.
Be well,
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Old 01-14-2012, 09:00 AM
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Whatever happens, put the best interests of that amazing child, first.
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Old 01-14-2012, 10:49 AM
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When I read your post I thought, "Well, at least she was honest and that's a good sign." But then I thought about times when I had quit smoking (cigarettes) and then would inevitably go back to them.... I had to somehow break the news to my family so that I 'come out of the closet' and smoke openly again. Oh, it was so much more convenient than sneaking around!

I know that doesn't help you feel any better and I'm sorry for that. Just want to say that I know it's so hurtful and confusing... is it a good sign that she's being honest at least? Or is it a clue that you can expect more of the same? Time will tell and more will be revealed, I suppose.

Take care of yourself and keep posting. It helps.
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Old 01-14-2012, 06:58 PM
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Thanks for all the supporting words. I guess this is something that I hoped would never happen (I know...I know...) she was two years sober when we first met. She knows that there is no place in our life for drugs. If she has room for drugs, there isn't room for her and I and our child.
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Old 01-14-2012, 11:01 PM
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Usually, when an addict starts being "honest" about his/her using, you get only the tip of the iceberg. The best way to tell if an active addict is lying? Her lips are moving! And if she's smoked pot, it is only a matter of time until she is right back to doing the whole thing. I would get some distance, if it were me, and I'd never agree to live with an addict who isn't going to meetings at least a couple of times a week. Even if they've been clean for decades. Me and my bf are both in recovery and we both go to several meetings a week, and we also do a lot of other work in the program, sponsoring other addicts, service work, etc. We couldn't make it without our program, and each of us is feeling miserable and is also miserable to be around if we miss our regular meetings much!
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Old 01-15-2012, 12:55 AM
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Hi Flyte and Welcome to SR. Glad you are here but sorry you are in the spot that brought you here. I hope you will stick around and read the stickies at the top of the forum and just keep reading and posting.

Anything you can do about your work schedule taking you out of town so much?

Any idea what's going on with your wife that she decided she wanted to be in an altered state? If she's be in a program in the past, she knows that's not a good path for her.

Just want to affirm that you have a right to be angry! And upset and scared and every other feeling you must be feeling upon learning this news.
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