Alcohol doesn't really help depression and anxiety, or mood disorders. It may have a short term relief effect... but you pay for it double after. Alcohol can be the biggest trickster of them all. Drinking created anxiety for me not only chemically, it was the things I did when I was drinking and dealing with the fallout, all the horrible feelings and self recriminations afterwards.
I too could contain my drinking sometimes. And that would mess with my mind even more. The point for me was that I could never predict it. Sometimes I'd control it, but I never knew when I might have an enormous binge.
I have no regrets about stopping for good. But for quite awhile I struggled with the thoughts of 'Okay I've been sober for one/two months now, a bit isn't going to hurt is it?' Very unhealthy cycle.
I think we can get too caught up in the labels of this disease. In some ways I fit the profile of a 'typical' alcoholic, in some ways I don't. I've made a lot of personal growth since I quit drinking altogether, which I was held back from otherwise, and I enjoy not having the obsession anymore, that is great freedom. It sounds like you have a lot in your life not worth risking FR. And your current pattern doesn't really sound like it's making you happy does it?