All I can say is thank god this forum is here!!.. here I am again...unable to STAY stopped, have trouble accepting my variety of alcoholism as can manage to have only 1 drink on occasion but yesterday had 3 and was plunged into the most awful depression and despair, disconnection and feeling like I was just nothing..so frightening. Have moved to a new area, feeling very lonely, and have tried AA again but felt didnt fit it as I am more of a occasional drinker now, never round the clock etc,etc, now if I succumb to this poison it takes days to regain some balance as I go back to square one. Trying not to go back onto antidepressant as felt it made alcohol cravings worse. i have suffered low grade depression all my life, and you would think I would know better as I am a health worker working in an area where people have died with etoh related brain damage!! But I wantonly drink forgetting the risks of an acute episode of mood disorder,my "friends" who I drink with, drink more than me but dont seem to have the horrible side effects. Omg I am so desperate to get off the merry go around for good as it really never gets better. I suppose the question I am asking is .. has anyone here suffered acute depression whilst and after drinking a relatively small ammount (3 drinks)??? Do I qualify for AA if I can on OCCASION
stop at 1 drink now? PS i am in my 50's now, I wonder if my liver is just unable to process it so it just goes straight to my brain? How do I stay stopped? I am a christian and pray, but that is just not enough ..alcohol has a mind of its own.