DarkDays, Thank you for a heartbreaking but uplifting post. I'm sure it will help many people.
I also let my family & everyone else down. I was just a shell of a person in the end. As Jocata said, we can once again be the people we were meant to be. Learn from what happened, but don't wallow in the misery of it for too long. You have taken a brave step toward a wonderful new life - be proud of yourself. We're here to listen and help.