Your story broke my heart ... not just because I've been there but I really feel your pain. I know that humiliation, disgust, and shame that goes along with neglecting your family in favor of your drinking. It hurts. My last bender was on Christmas Eve ... blacked out, went on a verbal tirade against my family, and then fell on some furniture and cracked a couple of ribs. Christmas Day was spent apologizing to all of them and nursing a wicked hangover and hurting ribs. I was completely disgusted with myself. We eventually made it a decent Christmas (my family has always been forgiving of my behavior - I don't know why), but the memory of it will never go away even though I'm sober now. And that wasn't the first time something like that has happened.
There IS light and I'm so happy that you can see it. You can have the sober life that you want and be the husband and father you want to be. You've made a good start coming here. We will support you. We've been there.