Don't kill yourself worrying about boundaries. They come as we begin to recover. It takes time. Focus on getting some tools from the Al-Anon program. Focus on learning to love yourself. The boundaries will begin to emerge. Don't try to eat the elephant in one bite. Take small bites. The elephant will get eaten.
I look at it like exercise for an extremely out of shape person. I can't run a marathon, but I can walk to the mail box. That short walk is the first step toward getting in shape. It's not where I'd like to be, but it's moving in the right direction. I don't lament the fact that I can't run 5k today. I celebrate that I am on the path to spiritual health. Sometimes we try to take on more than we can handle, and we fall short. That doesn't mean we quit,or that we haven't gotten better. We take stock, learn, and keep going. It's not as complicated as we try to make it. We just have to accept that it isn't going to happen overnight, but know that it will happen, and then it gets a little easier. Hugs, Magic