I tried all the boundaries stuff and also ran amuck. What really is changing things for me is changing my reaction to his actions. My AH isn't getting the behavior from me that he has always expected. I am not acting as the hall monitor, mother, or any other authority figure. I do not react to his drinking. I ignore his tantrums. He is really busy trying new tactics to elict codie behavior. He flips from one to another in search of something that will give him what he wants. By the grace of my HP, I have weathered the storm and remained calm. While this originally threw him for a loop, he has now been sober for 5 days. Don't know if he will stay sober, but I am really liking the control I feel over my own feelings and behavior. I am feeling sane and safe and strong.