Bertwash1

Hey All!

I have to say I have been an anonymous reader for a few months. Reading posts to gather information and see if I was crazy.

I just got married to my wife in September. We dated for 14 months before getting married. We decided to get married in June when we were both drunk and on a road trip after a stressfull day. (That's says a lot, doesn't it!!) In July we had a major episode in which she threw he engagement ring out of the car and attacked me several times. Once when I was driving that almost killed both of us. This incident was awakeup call and I said I am endangering us and other innocent people on the road. I said no more. She agreed saying she didn't want that to happen again. We spent the next week alone and secluded as the wounds on my face healed and the bruises on her body healed. I did not hit her or abuse her, I did restrain her from the attacks and charges she made at me.

We went for two months without drinking. I was thinking that we could do this. SHe asked me if I still wanted to get married and I said we should postpone it for a while. She said that would be rude to all those people who made their schedule up. I did not stand up for what I wanted. We continued the wedding. I should state here that we were living together, she has 4 children from a previous marriage. We met when she was separated and got married 1 month after she was allowed to by the divorce decree.

The thursday night before our wedding the people at her new job threw her a surprise wedding party. She got drunk and some coworkers drove her home. I was upset and slept on the couch that night. In the morning I was furious and asked what happened. She said that people just kept buying shots and drinks and that it was rude to refuse. I said it was her choice and was angry why she couldn't say no to the drinks.

We got married and she did not drink at the wedding. The following month was good, but on every Friday I would get an email saying that she felt like we couldn't do anything anymore with couples on Friday nights because they would be uncomfortable with us not drinking and she didn't want other people feeling that way. I said that I felt that if they were our friends and understand. I was not drinking through this time, as I said I would not drink either, feeling that would help and not be a problem. Well the last 4 weeks have been interesting. The weekend before christmas was a bad one as we went and drank together, but she lost control and would not stop, would not go back to the hotel room. So I carried her back once. She went back immediately, I followed once and then she turned around and went back to the bar. At that point I went to the room and tried to sleep. The bartender called twice and asked that I come down and get her. I said I had done that already and wasn't going to do that again. We had a few issues that night, she called the cops on me, thankfully I talked to the desk clerk and I left and let her have the room.


Then new years she got absolutely plowed, but we were at home, no driving, no incidents. Then this last weekend she went out on Friday night, I did not because I had to leave at 5:30 the next morning and didn't want be so tired. She stayed out till 3:00 am and drove home very drunk. I asked where she was since the bars close at 2:30 and it is a ten minute drive to our place in the bar. SHe said in the parking lot with a friend.

At this point I believe that this will not change at all. I had wondered if she was an alcoholic or not since she didn't drink everyday, only once in a while. We can go out together and have a few drinks and not have any issues sometimes. If we are in a bar and she has a few more drinks, it is like a switch is flipped and she will not leave till bar time and then try to find another party or after bar. Sometimes she could go a month between episodes I call them. Sometimes a week. I don't believe she is hiding booze in the house or sneeking alcohol. But through it all I have come to grips with the disease of alcoholism and my codependancy issues. I am not a completely innocent person in this.

She comes from a family that has had alcohol issues. My family has had them to. I like to drink and have been able to stop drinking during the night, but once she reaches a point (the switch as she calls it) all bets are off what happens next. She admits the problem with being able to stop drinking once she has started.

So today, I finally got tired of discussing our expectations of rules when we go out without each other and told her that I believe alcoholism is the problem and that I love her and want to build a future together. I said that it was pointless to talk about rules or how we communicate with each other when we are out, because this is a disease .

I did get a response. Wasn't much, just that she didn't feel like a partner in the marriage anymore and that she didn't know what I wanted from her.

That is a lot. I guess my first question is, is this alcoholism or is she just a bad drunk? She is a caring and loving person when she is sober, which is most of the time, but when she drinks roll the dice what may happen.

Thanks for reading. I know this is rambling.