I probably just need to vent.I've prayed about it and pretty much know that its ultimately up to my HP to solve. My RAH hasn't been to a meeting in 3 months except to his rehab facility alumni AA meetings to get his monthly chip. He hasn't spoken to his sponsor either. He does take his psych meds (he was diagnosed bipolar & depressive after release from treatment) but is only required to see a grief therapist once a month before he's given more meds. Well his old behaviors are surfacing more & more. I know I can't control him. He won't talk to me and of course his latest bad mood is all my fault. I've been doing real good up to this point at keeping the focus on myself but today I just feel like crying because I feel so helpless. I woke up with a headache and it's 12:55AM and it still hurts. I took some medicine and even put a cool compress on it but I can't find any relief. I'm just so tired. He told me this afternoon when i tried getting him to tell me what was wrong with him that if I don't know after 8 years he's not telling me. It's crazy. I went to work Tuesday with a happy husband, at 7:15PM EST still had a happy husband but by 10PM when I picked him up he was uncommunicative and snappy and has been that way since. I pointed out to him that for at least the last 3 years we've had major arguments around this time of year. I remember because his birthday is the 19th and I can't remember the last time we spent it together. His friend from the program he goes to alumni meetings with called me tonight asking what was up, they noticed he seemed really sad. They said he told them he feels like I have time for everyone else except him. I understand that to a point since I actually work 8 hours a day and don't have the privilege like him to sleep til the afternoon then go to my social club to play cards. Ok, that was sarcastic but I do work all day. When I leave for work he's still sleep and when I come home its late but I do cook a full dinner, which we did eat together but he then takes his meds and goes to sleep. Well my attempt at talking it out tonight was met with hostility, yelling and me being told everything I'm saying is ********. Like I said I prayed, read CAL and my bible and ultimately it's up to my HP but I just really needed to talk to someone.
