but I do know that you can't ultimatum, threaten, beg, promise, whatever word you want to use, you cannot force someone into staying clean.
An active H is not concerned with consequences I can promise you that.
Good stuff Paulie!
The only thing left is what to do about me. How can I protect myself? How can I create a healthy lifestyle? What boundaries will I set up to continue a relationship that has limits to what I want to be involved in? What will I do if those boundaries are violated? How can I continue to love and respect the person without putting my own needs aside? How can I meet all these needs if the addict in my life isn't able or doesn't desire to change his or her ways? All our questions are answered with changes we can make. If they change all the better, but we can't count on that or control their behavior. We don't have the right to insist that another person change to meet our needs with the exception of legal issues. I can count on myself though. I can learn to practice healthy behavior on my end one step at a time.
My son is the addict in my life. He continues in his addiction, but my life is 200% better since I've worked on my boundaries and my behavior. We both have an understanding now of how we need to treat each other to maintain our relationship. There were some rocky adjustments to make for each of us in the beginning, but we have it ironed out now and I'm still learning.
Hugs,
MG