Let's see...ultimate boundary. I suppose that would be a divorce, but even that would not severe the ties (esp with kids involved - we don't have any). I think for me, to get a divorce (and not just separate), I have to leave the relationship knowing that I did everything I could and he has no hope of recovery - neither of which I believe at this stage. For me, I know it would hurt more to leave, than to stay - but I preface this on the assumption that he becomes a pleasant drunk (no more name calling, etc) and he doesn't give up on himself or his recovery. I think there are in between boundaries - deciding what you will and won't tolerate and then deciding (as journeygal and paulie said previously) what you will do if he acts in a way you won't tolerate. For me, if my AH acts in ways that I won't tolerate, he has to move out.