[QUOTE=Krystal32;3230929
What confuses me is now that he's made the choice to change the path he's been on, I should be supportive, right? But how do I do that and detach myself at the same time? I guess that's where I need to go to the meetings and start to get some knowledge that I need.[/QUOTE]
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Picture responsibility as a monkey. Many active addicts and those in early recovery or in the midst of yet another relapse, seek to transfer the monkey off their back and onto those who care about them. This way, it's someone else's fault. They fail to own their own addiction and recovery.
The thing about support is that it keeps us engaged in stuff we don't control.
It can become a two-way crutch and an excuse. This forum is full of posts where the addict blamed the people who cared for them, for relapsing because these other people were not supportive enough. Many codependents believe they are responsible for and feel guilty that they should have done more to support the addict in their lives. Just poppycock.
"Bummer" is a dorky and magical word. It acknowledges the other person's woes while preventing the other person from transfering the monkey off his back onto your own. Your fiance is an adult with an adult problem. Makes no sense to me to clap with glee when he makes a pee-pee in the pot, instead of his pants. Know what I mean?
He either going to put 150% into this opportunity or not, regardless what what you do or say.
You have a healthy boundry that he cannot come back home. Absolutely no reason for someone in active addiction to be around children, ever. You have a toddler and another on the way. More than enough on your plate, right now. While he can't be there to rub your feet, he can keep that blasted monkey where it belongs and man up and put 150% into his recovery cause there are no magical solutions.