Congrats on 35 days! That is terrific!
Here's my list with a nod to Jeff Foxworthy's "You Might Be A Redneck" jokes.
If drinking is no longer voluntary, and has become mandatory . . .
You might be an alcoholic!
If you can't stop after one drink or 5 . . .
You might be an alcoholic!
If you wake up wondering whose underwear you're wearing and where you were last night . . .
You might be an alcoholic!
If the clerks on all three shifts at the local liquor store have your name, address, and driver license number memorized . . .
You might be an alcoholic!
If when you go to the liquor store you are followed by a clerk with a shopping cart without asking . . .
You might be an alcoholic!
If you ski and you have ski poles that are filled with whiskey . . .
You might be an alcoholic!
If you have set a quit date of tomorrow more than 364 times a year . . .
You might be an alcoholic!
If you are functional (or dysfunctional) . . .
You might be an alcoholic!
I you have to clean out all the hidden bottles in the guest bedroom before letting any guests use it . . .
You might be an alcoholic!
If you drink more than your Doctor . . .
You might be an alcoholic!
If your idea of a good morning is one where you don't puke . . .
You might be an alcoholic!
If you are looking for any label other than alcoholic to account for you blackouts and behaviors . . .
You might be an alcoholic!
If you spend a lot of your time in de Nile without a paddle . . .
You might be an alcoholic!
If you quibble terms and think your recovery method is the only way . . .
You might be an alcoholic!
If you are sick and tired of being sick and tired . .
You might be an alcoholic!
If you didn't really find any of these funny . . .
You might be an alcoholic!
I'll join that club with ya! As one fellow roaring alcoholic to another, recovered or not.
As far as when he grows up, you are now about to be a living "good" example.